Act like a layman-Think like a snob

Recently one of my cousins called me a snob because I listen to indie music and add a couple of English words in my sentences. Me, the guy who walks barefoot around his hood and drinks beer from quarts? A snob, really?

Surely snobbery is much more than a twang and Bloc Party.

Being one of those people who navigate through two different worlds I’ve come across a snob or two. I feel it my duty to teach the masses all about snobbery. You know, so that we don’t call people snobs when they are clearly not.

Some snobs really know how to create awkward moments. Like how this one guy, after hearing that a friend of mine lives in Seaview, said “Well I live in Toti, where there’s like a real sea view.” er ok. What a guy.

No mamter who you are people will never be shy to call you a snob

The snob likes to use the word ‘my’ a lot. If one has a lot of cool things what can one do? “My hot, rich boyfriend just called me on my Blackberry Torch to tell me that my Mini Cooper S has been fitted with my new R8 000 sound system.” I feel like rolling my eyes as pahrases like these invade the conversation.  

The whole snobbery game is complex. Being rich doesn’t make you a snob, it makes it easier. The fact that it is not limited to possessions means we all have a little snob dying to get out. Social networks nurture the inner snob in us. They (social networks, especially Twitter) are subtle ways of making sure we get that your life is better.

We’ve all read the Facebook status updates disguised as thank you notes to the higher power. The person is sooo thankful for being “blessed” with such a great life and great husband and great yoga classes and for their Fendi bag and unusually smart children.

Twitters microblogging is successful on the basis that I, as the user, must be an interesting person with interesting views. That is why we are subjected to Nonhle Thema imitators. Yawn.

These are modern day South African Aristocrats. The marketing business calls them Black Diamonds. An elite group of Africans starting from the upper middle class to really insanely rich. Keepers of money who may leave a legacy of debt.

It’s an exciting world of beautiful women, Takeshi denim pants, Top Billing inserts, bikes and Audi cars. Khanyi Mbau is a proud product of this culture. Blue cheese and croissant breakfasts at any hotel, repossessed sport cars and expensive Indian hair.

Then there is the youthful group called Swaggers. According to market research these would be the posers. They are not nearly as rich as the Black diamond’s but one would never know. After all there’s a snob in each one of us.The trendy kids that refuse to admit that sushi is disgusting & Moet champagne really doesn’t taste that great. We find them in the hot spots tweeting about how fabulous life is and sharing moments on BBM. They are more likely to be heard saying that a certain place is “too ghetto” or they are going to an “exclusive party”. Some have been known to carry fake car keys to impress.

I cannot forget my fellow pseudo-intellectuals. We tweet about revolutions, spell Africa with a “K”. Discuss books we have only skimmed through. We have memorised philosophical quotes for every possible situation and although we say the exact opposite, we know Oprah has done a lot of good.

The whole point of snobbery is making sure that people know that you are in some way superior or cooler. It’s the deep fear of being called ghetto that has you eating a King Steer burger with a fork & knife. People around you constantly rolling their eyes. Wondering why others sigh deeply when you start a sentence with “The problem with Afrika is…”We all know that people who are secure in themselves and their surroundings rarely ever have to prove anything. There is a thin line between having standards and being a snob. 

I’m almost certain that I will never drink Ijuba (me having standards) but I would not be rude to someone who does (me not being a snob).Are we creating a culture of snobs? Not really. Society has always been like this. Nothing wrong with a bit of healthy bragging or flexing the intellectual muscle now & again.As the eternally neutral guy, I say everything in moderation. Make sure that in your snobbery, we don’t start using adjectives like bigot or douche. Only Kanye West can do Kanye West well. No one likes a show off. We know that you’re rich and that you’re smart. Sigh. What I’m trying to say is, (allow me to be sentimental) don’t let your need to belong, be accepted, be liked or to be revered turn you into an elitist and a hypocritical person. Unless you see someone wearing crocs. Tell them they can’t sit with you and throw a sensible shoe at them.

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