What is it with straight men and lesbians?
Men generally have issues among themselves; you see competition among the male species is very tight. Who can down a jug of beer the fastest, who can drive the snazziest car, who has the highest earning potential. In fact, if I were to list all the things men compete for surely I would never finish. Believe it or not, world wars can be started over who can get a certain girl and how quickly he can accomplish this daring and challenging mission.
But drawing up battle lines is easier when you know what you are up against. This is where a few of my male friends say the problem starts: how do you compete with a woman for the attention of another woman?
Let’s take a brief glance back to the ancient days, where lesbians had to hide who they were to fit in with the “normal” society and to avoid being butchered to death.
Macho men were the order of the day – these geniuses were used to women being in need of knights in shining, masculine armour to save from them from big bad wolves. They were raised to believe that they were the heads of everything – homes, businesses and even relationships. Only the brave (and stupidly drunk) dared to mention they had feelings for the same sex. Lesbians were forced into marriages because of social pressures; they bore children, loved their husbands dearly and led miserable unfulfilled lives until they died.
Skip a ton of centuries or even millennia later, and find an era where there are many constitutions around the world helping humanity recognize that everyone has a right to choose who they stare at lovingly-until death do them part, without being judged of course. But unfortunately in this case when one door opens, another closes – the laws are relaxed but corrective rape and brutal killings are on the rise.
What’s the big deal kanti? Why is it so hard to accept that some women only want to be friends with men, nothing more? Why does it have to be about women not wanting men?
I conducted some research, to find out why men have issues with lesbians, and the responses I got reminded me that even though the powers that govern us deem the different gender groups free to live the way they want, it is only in writing – putting it into action is still another milestone to overcome.
I am sure being lesbian and black is another story on its own though, having to deal with prejudice from “culturally correct” African men at taxi ranks feels like an extreme headache, to me. The condescending comments, shitty stares and threats are all signs of men that feel like their manhood is being brought into question.
It’s almost as if they have to remind you that they have balls, as if their grunts alone aren’t evidence enough.
Banyana Banyana player Eudy Simelane was stoned to death for being openly gay three years ago in Kwa-Thema, Springs, and more recently Noxolo Nogwaza suffered the same fate. They did not deserve to die like animals – in fact not even an animal should be subjected to such cruelty.
In a documentary that was aired about Simelane’s life, a group of guys appeared stating that they did not kill her but if given the chance they would’ve done the same thing because “they didn’t like the lifestyle she led”.
Armed with cigarettes and beers, they were unashamed to speak their minds and express their hatred.
The way I see it, if she isn’t doesn’t use your oxygen to survive or depend on you for food and clothing; then why all the animosity?
Men have issues with everything they don’t understand though so this shouldn’t surprise me. Yes, accepting rejection is never easy but then again it happens to the best of us at times. Please suck it up.