DON’T DATE WHITE GIRLS–Diary of a mad black man
There are too many books and magazine columns giving advice to women. Cynical spinsters who have been divorced so many times that the alarming number of failed relationships that they have been involved in makes them an expert on how you should handle yours. Even Mel Gibson starred in a movie called What Women want?. Perhaps the time has come to ask, Does anyone really care? and moreover what do men want?
If I was a relationship expert I would write a book entitled Diary of a mad black man—and other stories. It is worth confessing that men are as uncomfortable with some issues around affection as women are. Granted our areas of concern are not the same as our female counterparts but they are important none the less (at least to us anyway).
As a man if you have ever dated outside your race (particularly if you’re black) you will know what I am talking about. It is a crowning moment of victory when you grin and tell the boys that you have landed yourself a milky beauty. The following evening you might be treated to a first class drinking binge, Johnny Black and all. What are we celebrating? The girl of course! Where I come form dating a white girl is considered an achievement.
The hangover will soon subside as you have to account for your Casonovan escapades, and there is no better way to do that than a little Saturday night diner with the parents. A sit down in upper suburbia, where the table has so much cutlery you can’t help but feel you’re being tested. I didn’t plan to spend my weekend like this—all I wanted was a braai and some Gusheshe’s spinning. What’s more is that you’re being served by a black woman. A black woman you know. A black woman you know, who lives three houses away from you. A black woman you know, who lives three houses away and you dated her daughter last year. Can this evening get any worse?
The distinct moments of discomfort when you tell your girlfriend’s white father that your dad is a taxi driver. No matter how hard you try and recover from your lower—middle class background you can’t shake the feeling that there is a little voice in his head saying “He better not be sleeping with her”. Something’s can just ruin an evening.
But I will tell you this, when it comes to relationships there is one thing that black man fear more that the “meet the (white) parents diner. And that is the reaction you get from humor. Obviously you cannot date a white girl, you are laughed off and dismissed as the joke of the day. But when you produce those lovely photos you took at the dinner (which your girl insisted you keep in your wallet) well then the playing field changes. The kind of reaction you get is about as overtop as Tyra Banks on a good day and as dramatic as Oprah when she has an “Aha” moment. (Yes I watch talk shows; someone has got to keep tabs on you people)
I have never understood why black women are so often irked when a black guy dates outside his race. Recently a friend of mine explained this mindset to me. I’m glad she was explaining it to me on Facebook chat, so I could read it over several times to try and make sense of it. That and the fact that not having this as person to person conversation eliminated the chance of a shouting ,match that often ensues when we discuss these issues.
She pointed out the fact that black women are angry at the fact that a “good black man” (a rare find according to them) has gone away and dated outside. She went on to say, “that good black man belonged to a black woman” and now he was being stolen. I almost fell of my chair laughing. This was very insightful and it re affirmed my belief that all this was rather unreasonable.
Firstly the assumption is that white girls will only date “good black men”. This is fallacy, its an idea that indicates that white women have some sort of good black man detector and they can tell the quality apart. I hate to break up the pity part ladies but this is not true. The fact is-given a chance a white woman is even less likely to date a “good black man” then you are.
The reason for this is that as a black woman you are constantly exposed to black men. You are familiar with the cultural implications and undertones in black society and thus as result you have a distinct advantage over your white competitors. I use the word competitors because well it is a competition. There are more women than men in the world and lets face it that biological clock it ticking. And your mother is getting tired of asking you for grand babies.
Secondly and perhaps mist importantly, the fact that black women feel as if that “good black man” belongs to them, is testimony to the kind of complacency that often plagues black women. The sense of entitlement is very unbecoming. Now pay attention. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A GOOD BLACK MAN WHO BELONGS TO ANYONE. Tiger Woods was proof of that. Now I am not advocating for cheating, but I am of the view that there men have very short attention spans. We don’t worry about the details. And it would go a long way towards ensuring successful relationships if black women were to put a similar kind of effort as white girls do.
I am not saying that black women are lazy and I am saying that they have a tendency of focusing their attention on all the wrong things. You have not dated a black girl if you have not been asked “why didn’t you send me airtime”. WTF. A white girl will more likely be asking “why didn’t you answer your phone when I called you? What’s more is that she will be asking in a nice concerned tone, not a rough accusing one.
Not to say that you must stand for bull ladies, but it would be nice if you were more trusting and less suspicious all the time. As stupid as it may seem, many black men I have spoken with did not cheat until they got wrongfully accused of it. And so they thought what the hell let me go for it. The others who did not stoop to that level decided to date somewhere else. So think about that next time you want to tell someone “DON’T DATE THE WHITE GIRL”.